My typical day to day life appears to be the same thing over and over again just in different contexts. So today I want to write about memories from longer than a few days ago. But where to begin this venture into the depths of my mind?A recurrent memory is my first love, Janet. I dread just saying her name though I have little reason to be so childish. When I first met her I was calling a friend, Chandra, on the phone and was just being stupid while I was drunk at John’s house. Janet answered the phone and I talked to her for a little bit eventually giving her my number. In a few days or weeks she called me and that was that. I started going over her house all the time and just hanging out with her. She was always with different guys and I wanted to be one of them so I stuck around. She was a sexy trashy slut and I wanted her so badly. She always smoked pot and I eventually started myself. As time went by she would give me money to ride my bicycle down to the drug store to pick up some pot. The drug store was a convenient store on Oslo Road in Vero Beach. It’s shut down now but when it was open it was amazing. I’d ride my bike up to the store and immediately be surrounded by dealers asking me “Wha chu need? Wha chu need?”. I’d tell them I needed a 20 sack or whatever I was there for and they’d give it to me. Sometimes pulling it from their hat, pocket, and sometime even picking it up from the ground near a clump of grass or something. On many occasions when I’d ask for a 20 sack they’d pull out a 20 piece of crack and hand it too me. I’d see what I’d gotten and have to tell them I wanted a 20 sack of weed not crack. They’d then set me straight and I’d be on my way back to my lushious slut. After hanging with her for a few months every single day practically, we did the deed and I was one step closer to being the pervert I am today. We would get all fucked up off of weed or sometimes even crack weed which is weed with bits of ground up crack sprinkled on it. Then we’d fuck. That was our relationship. Getting fucked up and fucking like rabbits. It was a great time though I was quite a bit more instable than I am today. I blame it on the drugs and the teenage emotions. I would break up with her every week or so and then come crawling back for more. We had a love hate relationship or at least that’s how it was on my end. This is about the time when I started writing poetry all the time. I would be in class and not really pay any attention to what was going on because I was busy writing poetry to my love or my enemy, which ever it was that day. This type of relationship goes no where and ultimately ends in defeat and ours was no different. We parted ways leaving me bitter and angry at my first love. I could say I was pussy whipped and I may have been but it won’t change the fact that I loved her. I heard later that during the times when I’d break up with her she’d fuck random guys and never tell me about it. It’s all hearsay I prefer to think. Anyway, that’s my memory of my first love. A great memory, happy and sad all the same. I often think I should reestablish contact to see what her life is like now. I’ve thought about writing her a letter for so many years but I’ve always decided it was best to leave things as they were. Now that I’m going through some big changes in my life, I’ve decided that this is no time to stick to my guns on anything. Since the topic has arisen, I accept the challenge and here goes the letter that I will send once I find my lost love. Mind you, I don’t wish to start a relationship or even a friendship, I’d just like to know how things are going and if she’s done anything interesting with her life. Here goes nothing:
Janet,
It’s been a long time. Let me start by saying that I’ve wanted to write this letter to you for years now but I decided it was best not to meddle in the past. I’d like to set the tone of this letter right at the start so let me say that I’m not looking for a relationship or even a friendship. I’m writing this out of curiosity and to set things straight in my own head.
With that over with, it’s been years since I’ve seen or spoken with you. I’m curious to know what you’ve done with your life so far. I propose that we meet someday and chat about things. We can go get a coffee or have a beer, you’re choice. I’ll spare you the details of my life until then.
Now for the setting things straight in my head part. This deals directly with our relationship, if you would even call it that, way back when. I want to tell you that I really did love you then. It may not have seemed as such but I did. I feel bad about how fucked up I was by forcing the off and on again relationship. It’s one of the weirder times in my life and one that I’d like to come to terms with. So I’m hoping that after sending this letter I’ll be happy that I told you what I’ve wanted to for so long.
To wrap things up, I really hope you accept my invitation to chatting someday and respond to this letter positively. Either way, I wish you the best of luck in life and love.
Cheers, Dr. Brian
And that’s my letter and that’s my memory.